Sure, you saw their pictures in the lobby and elsewhere but I shall reveal the truth in LITERATURE, the Emmis!
Resident Jan Marshall is a Humorologist, award-winning author, and humor columnist for adults and aspirational books for children.
by Jan Marshall
About that famous female detective Nancy Drew for attempting to pass herself off as Jewish and a young starlet; it is pure fiction. I know her true age and so will you once the Botox wears off, since she relocated to Heritage Pointe and lives on my floor along with other famous folks.
As new neighbors, we attended a relationship seminar. You’d be amazed by who signed in and the secrets they shared.
Among our residents was female ace reporter Brenda Star and her husband Basil St. John. After pursuing him for 36 years while maintaining her virginity, she was close to sixty on her wedding day, their honeymoon was quite strained. Since chastity is its own punishment one need not go into the special night which suffice to say required a “Jaws of Life” Intervention. While sharing, personal issues were openly revealed. Brenda claimed she still does not know what Basil does for a living. The only gift he ever gave her was one black orchid.
She chides gently that if he owns a plant shop, he is not doing very well since there does not appear to be much call for that particular hue. He claims that the constant sparkle emanating from her eyes caused him sunstroke. She counter claimed that he should remove his eye patch since there is nothing wrong with his vision. He accusingly said if it weren’t for her hot flashes there’d be no warmth in their bed. She retorted that he, in fact, was not a “mystery man” but just another husband with gas.
Then Goldie Locks who once lived over a Chinese Restaurant in Hollywood where she grew dill, aside from revealing her natural hair color was brown, confessed to a sexual relationship with a married Huggy Bear. She admitted that she purposely created the messy drama about the broken chair and high-carb porridge stuff to make it look like a home robbery.
Red Riding Hood, after being maligned by her previous synagogue ‘s Rabbi for inappropriate behavior when wearing red and walking in Lake Forest at night like a working girl, admitted finally that it was fair and true.
Then Myra and Shelly said it was time for dinner though we hadn’t even had breakfast yet and threw us out of the gathering swearing us to secrecy, forcing us physically out of the “Meet the New Residents” Gathering.
Perhaps it is also prudent and fortunate that my memory along with couple of our neighbors is less than it was.
Certainly it is also best to leave the mysteries between us, including my clandestine affairs with John F Kennedy, Cary Grant, Arturo Toscanini, Frank, Bing and the Andrew Sisters.
THE END
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