Jan Marshall

“Lightening Up With Jan”

Resident Jan Marshall is a Humorologist, award-winning author, and humor columnist for adults and aspirational books for children.

What I learned back in the days of hibernation it seems are positively no longer appropriate now that I am back in civilization living in Heritage Pointe.

Cursing at other peoples television when certain politicians appear, or throwing pickled beets or talking in tongues from past civilizations is not acceptable according to our new director.

Running after the Amazon delivery guy for a hug is inappropriate as it is I’ve learned after being charged for indecent tipping. The PROCESS SERVER also added his own personal document. The florist served me desist order even though I offered free compost for one embrace.
What can I say. I am guilty. I am a hugger by nature, missed it to the point that even my pillows were getting annoyed.

More facts I have learned:

When in the past, I only used to shave my legs right before a date or, (as one of two bikini models in a a commercial touting accepting women of all sizes with the disclaimer that bikinis may not be for everyone women of all sizes), a razor simply will not do but an electric saw will. Works on other areas that were formerly waxed as well but I now know specifically to be extremely cautious on the face.

I learned that when an SOS showed on all phones to be on the lookout for a grizzly something near my unit, it may not have been a personal insult directed at me. On the other hand, perhaps it was simply a random warning on eBlast.

I’ve learned to leave my iPhone in another room when I head for the kitchen so I don’t hear Siri warn me to “Step away from the fridge, El Tubbo”. I’m getting fed up with her.

I recall that first time when I finally drove my car Siri screamed at me “You are a lousy driver. Let me out of this car.”

So yes, I often thought of switching to Alexa, but Siri knows too much and I worry about them getting together and possibly sending threatening ransom notes regarding my “issues”.

Fortunately, I’ve also concluded that since my memory seems to be getting worse year by year, I will have learned nothing…unless Siri reminds me.

Hmm. I wonder if landline phones are still fashionable with a personal non-judgmental assistant installed?

I’ll have to ask at the front desk or at my next session with Dr. Fido.

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