MY BEEF WITH THE ACADEMY

New resident Jan Marshall is a Humorologist, award-winning author, and humor columnist for adults and aspirational books for children.

MY BEEF WITH THE ACADEMY ON BEHALF OF PEOPLE LIKE ME
by Jan Marshall

Once again, I did not receive the award for “Best in the Field of Nagging!”
Hey! Stop making that face and being judgmental.
Before you get your britches in a bunch because of possible negativity the word may connote, since actually, the nags of their day were always admired.
May I remind you of history when we were known as philosophers and greatly revered.
YES! Plato was a nag, too! (c) In fact, Plato and the Platitudes were the first rock/advice giving group in history. Do not forget Confucius as well, with his double entendre’.
IT’S TRUE! Remember when he said if you went to bed with this at night, you would wake up with that the next day?
Did he even mention if you ate Mushi Gefilte Fish you would bloat the next day? I would have told you.
Nagging is simply giving information. For example, when I suggest you avoid an area because of the potholes, I am giving you the facts as I know them. Since this is America, you have the “option” of not listening to me and squishing your tires and spending a fortune replacing them. It is all about choice.

Sadly, my own Oscar losses started when I listened to those new age suggestions to “let everyone be” and “do their own thang!”
It was not natural.
My life fell apart that nag-less year. I didn’t tell anyone what to do or give advice so every unuttered word went straight to my hips. Being frustrated, I started celebrating “Fat Monday” every day of the week. Then I moved on to Taco Tuesday Wednesday Thursday…well you know the rest.
The kids didn’t clean their room that year so our home was condemned by the Board of Health.
One son refused to get a haircut while I said nothing and the principal started calling him Mary Elizabeth. It was ages ago.

I Am Back
I was born to the cloth as most philosophers.
Again, the announcement for Oscar for Best Nag 2024 once more… was NOT me.
I’m usually nonviolent but I’ve been thinking, do I actually have to slap someone to get attention?
If you think you are too hoity toity to be considered a “nag” may I ask, …
Have you ever told your dog to” sit”?
Ever insisted someone must “have a nice day”? Who are you to tell someone what to do unless of course, you are a true nag/philosopher!
To Nags everywhere all at once! I say BRAVO!

In the meantime, sit up straight eat your veggies and speaking of which, ya know it wouldn’t hurt ya to take a philosopher in your life to lunch once in a while!