DOG COMPETITION AND OTHER MATTERS
“Lightening Up With Jan”
Resident Jan Marshall is a Humorologist, award-winning author, and humor columnist for adults and aspirational books for children.
by Jan Marshall
Such fun to see a black miniature poodle with a bouffant hairstyle win a beauty contest at Westminster this week coming after a painfully reported news scandal and the cruel demise of a young pup.
Just learned at the same time that a four time champion of Alaska’s Iditarod may have given his dogs drugs to enhance their speed.
Now, I wonder if my former own Golden Labrador dog Charlie (Charles Worthington Farthington III) had been duped. When that slut poodle next door, she with the off shoulder pet collar, gave that phony come-hither fake bark, he’d scoot through the doggie door to his siren’s tease.
When he returned, he always had tobacco breath and schlepped around as he crawled under the sofa, the guilt obvious in his downcast bloodshot eyes.
Be clear! He could not have learned that from us as we stopped doing that months before we rescued him.
As Charlie’s loving supportive human mom I’d been emotionally wounded after he ran off permanently with that floozy, harlot Jezebel as he never contacted us again, though he had in the past, always gifted me on special anniversaries (and different type presents on our daily walk) but after meeting with that seductress femme fatale influencer, he did not even text me on Passover.
Now, I forgive him and apologize for being judgmental as I realize that it’s obvious and clear as day that the enchantress snuck the drug Ecstasy in to his water bowl.
All is forgiven Charlie so come home.
P.S. Please note change of address.
I have since moved to “Heritage Pointe”.
Really Charley, how could I have possibly stayed at our home with my painful memory of losing you.
Did you realize that you were the only purebred living there. The two adults were mutts from Brooklyn and the Bronx and the three children were born in California. Thus your jewel crusted doggie bowl and personal chef.
Please visit me in my new Mission Viejo location. It’s around the corner from Chili’s restaurant if you happen to want to scrounge for someone’s leftovers.
That is one thing you won’t get from me…any leftovers.
The food here is yummy and I Iick my plates clean at every meal which I learned from you.
Most importantly I know regarding your own very personal beliefs, it is all Kosher.
So darling, come see me no guilt, no recrimination but please… do not bring you know who!
Just stop at the front desk to check in with those dear helpful employees who are now friends and then simply…
Ask for Yo Ole Mama Jan!
THE END
